White coat. Heels.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
