i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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