I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
