I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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