We're facebook friends in real life
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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