and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
