Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
