Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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