the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
