I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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