went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
