Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
