im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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