she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
should my penis look like a turkey
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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