Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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