I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
