went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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