is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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