As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
