How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
