I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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