I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
