remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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