I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
