I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
