he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
