Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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