Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
