I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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