Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
