my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
