I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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