I want to have your abortion
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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