i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
