WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
