but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
