guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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