i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
