i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
