She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
PANTIES FOUND
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