My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
