This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
