D3 body, D1 cock
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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