i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
