Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
