just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
