...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
