I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
operation have a gay friend backfired
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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