Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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