If i come over, it means nothing
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
