pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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