Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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