I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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