I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
