Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
