I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
