I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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