yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
