my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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