i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
