why didn't you poke me back
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
