my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
