She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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