I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
