Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
