hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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