My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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