Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
