I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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