this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
