You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
