i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize