I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
