Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
