I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I party with great urgency now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
